i always want to be me

During my visit to the Philippines, we decided on a girls trip to one of the historical parks.

We went exploring!

Close to the entrance, I see that there is a seniors discount to enter the park. I am beaming, “Whit, I get a discount!”

“Why does ouma get a discount? What is wrong with her?” asks the small voice.

I scoop her into my arms, ”Nothing is wrong liefie, ouma is just old.”

We enter but Isabelle is not happy. Whitney bends down and asks her, “what’s wrong lovey?”

Isabelle sobs, “I don’t want to change… I always want to be me…”

Whitney takes her in her arms.

”What do you mean, lovebug? You don’t need to change…”, says Whitney.

”But ouma gets discount because she is old… I don’t want to change”, says Isabelle.

I bend down and both me and Whitney look at her.

”Ouma is the same person that she always was”, says Whitney. Me too, I didn’t change. Our bodies get taller and older, but we always stay the same person.”

Isabelle smiles…”so, I will always be me?”

”Yes” answer both Whitney and me. “ You will always be you!”

Somewhere in-between the conversation with Isabelle, I caught Whitney’s beautiful eyes. Both of us silently acknowledging that life has a way of trying to rob us of ourselves. Choices and circumstances pull at us, begs us to lose the small little girl within. Sometimes pieces of ourselves are dissolved into pain and regret.

But…

On a specific day in September, somewhere in Manila, my daughter chose to give Isabelle hope. “You will always be you, no matter what.”

my liefste Isabelle…

mag jy altyd dans as jy gras onder jou voete voel

mag die behoefte om jouself te bly altyd ‘n prioriteit in jou lewe bly

mag jou ma altyd afbuk om jou te omhels as jy huil

mag jy weet dat ouma vir jou sal bid

maak nie saak waar ek (of jy) is nie